freedom and its owner

...tengo un deseo profundo de dormir, de ser capaz de leer un libro y perderme en el... de fantasear con el extraño de hace una semana y el de hace cinco minutos, de pensar en correr un kilómetro más y de disfrutarme... deseo sentirme completa todo el tiempo, no estar en este cuarto con la idea de que algo allá afuera me llama a gritos y debo encontrarlo... quiero dormir con los ojos secos y dejar de contar días... quiero entenderme de nuevo, tener un camino trazado y seguirlo, quiero sentirme fuerte, libre... que no pertenezco a nada ni nadie... que nada me pertenece... quiero sentir esa pena de hablar con el sexo opuesto y esos nervios de tener a alguien cerca.. quiero recuperarme, alguien me robó y no me encuentro... me busqué en amigos, canciones, libros y miles de objetos que han dejado de tener sentido…sólo devuélveme intacta no habrá cargos. Me extraño.

recapitulo mi fin de semana... comienzo a pensar y a sentir justo unos minutos antes de que me llamen a comer. Tardo demasiado en poner en marcha mi cerebro por las mañanas y en esta casa hay horarios para todo. Escucho repetidas veces en mi cabeza la canción de the xx ...shelter.... como esos saborcitos rezagados después de una buena comida en la lengua escucho de vez en vez.... Maybe I had said, something that was wrong... Can I make it better, with the lights turned on? y así sin poder continuar me voy a comer... we'll start with soup and end with nuts...

No pertenezco a ese mundo... not an artist, not a painter ... not a musician... mi opinión acerca de music,art and style broadcasters...

Style for me always comes from people who are doing things that have nothing to do with the fashion world, they're usually artists or painters or musicians or writers. It all depends on what people are doing. I don't flip out over someone just walking down the street or in a magazine doing nothing, it's gotta be in the context of their life. What they're wearing tells a story about what they're doing, I like people wearing their art.

Truman Capote, Edie Sedgwick, Don Van Vliet (endlessly fascinated by) and Guy Picciotto from Fugazi are people who have a lot of style. To me, someone walking down the street in head to toe Gucci, says that they have no imagination and lots of money. That's not a mind blower. It's more about who you are rather than what you wear. Your personality's gotta be bigger than your outfit otherwise you seem to be in your way to costume a play.

létranger...

Thursday nite:

Rain, soft weak light and people Ive seen before in similar spaces... xx lager, wet sweater and very silent althought my thoughts were in fluent motion...in fluent curves.

Around me, talk is entirely of ideas, not of people. And if art is our relation to the senses, then they have none. They argue. Meanwhile, their human reflexes are totally absent. A Negro is an idea, a concept. To me, a person who becomes a symbol of what they have to endure.

There is a harshness too, a hard surface from which I shrink. I feel no sympathy or empathy. Just concepts. Any sign of feeling affects them like a breach of morality. The constant relation to figures (masses) seems to destroy the sense of humanity, very much, i imagine, as a general loses the feeling for his soldier as a man, and sees him only as a number in an army; a possibility to succeed. They call themselves artists, writers, intelectuals, poets, hipsters ha!!! ... a good antidote to inexpressive, deadpan faces.